The conversations teenagers aren’t having with their parents.
It can be confusing for a parent as they watch their bright, full of life teenager go about their day, only to return hours later finding that the full of life teenager they watched leave the house, has turned into a wall of silence.
While a parent may struggle to identify or relate to the issue that their teenager may be having, it is even harder to watch them suffer in silence, therefore it is important that parents and teenagers learn to communicate again.
It can be difficult for parents to talk to their teenagers about even the slightest thing, and the issue does not seem to be going away, it is important that this be addressed so both parent and teenager feel relaxed to open up to one another.
A parent may think that their teenager simply does not want to talk to them, however it has been suggested that teenagers just do not want to bother their parents with what they see as trivial issues.
It is relevant to understand that teenagers tend to worry about what their parents think of them, with what they are going to say to their parents, will reinforce a negative reaction from their parent causing there to be a bigger divide in the line of communication.
Speaking to one teenager, Emma Garvey 18, who has struggled with anxiety for 2 years and finds it easier to talk to someone outside of her family, suggested that teenagers don’t want to bother their parents with problems. “I think that teenagers are quite emotionally intelligent, and they can understand when parents are under pressure. They may not want to bother them with problems and worry that their parents will consider their problems as minor. They may fear that they won’t be understood, or that their parents would be disappointed”
This raises the question on how parents could learn to open up a line of communication with their teenager, as having a teenager that is almost scared to open up to them could spell trouble further down the line.
From spending a whole day at school or college, to coming home and being almost bombarded by questions from their parents as soon as they come through the door, could also be a reason as to why teenagers simple don’t have the energy to communicate after they have spent 6 hours learning.
It is not for parents to worry when their teenager does not feel like talking, as coming home after a busy day of learning or not having the best days, it could be said that the last thing a teenager wants to do is to have another conversation with a parent.
As a parent, Gilly O’Keefe knows too well when it comes to uncommunicative teenagers.
“I can understand the frustrations that other parents have when their teenager will not talk to them, but I think mostly it is because teenagers are worked extremely hard at school and just don’t seem to have the energy to talk to their parents. I think it’s a mother’s instinct to try and get their teenager to talk but at the end of the day, there is no good pushing them to talk if they don’t want to.”
The importance of parent and teenager communications is heightened by the fact that child and adolescent mental health referrals have increased by 26% in England over the past five years, the BBC reported.
Counsellor, Elaine Holliday, emphasises the importance of parents being comfortable with the idea that teenagers may feel at ease talking to someone they do not know. “Educating parents to see the benefits of counselling is vital in helping build the relationship between parent and teenager. Counsellors need to confront difficult issues and have frank conversations with parents, it is not about shaming parents, but building their confidence and understanding of different ways to engage with their teenager.”
There is no shame if a teenager wishes to speak to a counsellor rather than their own parent, as it can feel embarrassing talking to a parent about something a teenager already does not feel comfortable with, it is important counsellors are seen as guardian angels rather than someone to be wary of.
The bond between parent and teenager can be a struggle, with parents often wanting to make sure their teenager knows who is boss, however the Child Mind Institute, when giving parents advice on how to communicate with their teenager revealed that acting as a dictator is not the ideal way when trying to engage in conversation.
The Child Mind Institute also explains how praising and being positive toward your teenager will go a long way in terms of building a good relationship between parent and teenager, as teenagers, while they may seem like they do not need their parent’s approval are still grateful when they have it.
Former Youth Officer, turned counsellor, Mark Wainright, suggested that parents remind themselves of what it was like to be a teenager. He explained, “having worked with teenagers as a youth officer, it has always been imperative to hold them in unconditional positive regard, acknowledging that they are a unique individual. My advice to parents is to remember what it was like to be a teenager; how did you want to be spoken to? Remember that they are developing into young adults and wish to be treated so.”
The NHS have offered tips and advice for parents who may be struggling to be able to talkto their teenager and are worried that they may push their teenager away rather than open up a line of communication.
While it may seem like a teenager will never communicate with their parent, it is important to be aware that the teenage years do eventually cease, and there will come a time where the bond between a parent and son or daughter will be stronger than ever.
However, these teenage years are inevitable, and it is just as important to let teenagers be exactly who they are, teenagers.
